Relationships and Advice

I was just on my Facebook page and I read a status update from a dear friend of mine's husband. A portion of that update said, "Marriage is a union between a man and a woman; they are to honor each other and work together as they become one." Between this update and two others, he was basically stating that people need to keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves because it has been hurting his relationship.

Too many times relationships are hindered because of people who have personal opinions and viewpoints and are not a part of that relationship. There are many reasons for this. First, people in relationships frequently choose to seek the advise of friends, family and other associates. While it is important to seek wisdom from other people, one has to be careful in this type of situation. Each relationship is unique to those who are in it, and trying to handle yours the same way that your best friend handles his or hers most likely will not work for you. If you have not spoken to the other person in your relationship about an issue before you seek the advise of an outside source, that creates a problem. If you knew that your significant other was in pain, but you did not know what part of his or her body was hurting, you would not call your best friend and ask that person whether or not he or she knew; you would simply ask the person in pain. Why then would you call someone else about problems in your relationship when you have not consulted the other person who is in the relationship with you?

Another way that outside people can affect relationships is by them giving advise without it being requested. Some family members and friends feel as though they are entitled to voice their opinion about other people's situations when it has no affect on them. These people can be dangerous. Their motives can vary; the mother who wants to protect her child, the jealous one who does not want others to be happy, the bitter one who is scorn and cynical about everyone, etc. Negative people breed negativity. Even if a person (ex. mother) believes that she is looking out for your best interest, you and her have to understand and realize that you have to make your own decisions and, as an adult, you cannot allow another person to have that much influence on your relationship.

There are times when relationships are strained and outside advise is needed. There are many solid sources to seek in these situations. Relationship counseling or therapy is definitely an option. Although commonly viewed as a last resort, it can be a part of a solid foundation for long term relationships and/or marriage. With a divorce rate at fifty percent, one can only ponder what the outcome would be if every couple went through counseling before exchanging their vows. Before things reach their breaking point, this may be a viable option for many relationships.

One less drastic resource is books. A lot good information has been collected and documented by the same people who provide therapy and counseling and can be obtained simply by reading a book or two that discusses relationship issues and provides insight on how to handle them.

One last source of advise would be other couples. There are people who have been in a solid, committed relationship for years or even decades. Spending time with them and getting wisdom from them is one of the best things a young couple can do. Some churches link young married couples with seasoned couples to mentor them and give them a dose of reality on how to make marriage work. It is kind of like this: a person goes to get training (college, etc.), and then he or she goes into that field to work. It is possible that the person does well in that job without an example of how it is done, but more than likely, he or she will have to spend time with another person who has worked in that field for some time. Because he or she has been there, he or she can walk you through things that you will actually experience in real life on a day-to-day basis and you can gain that knowledge, rather than just reading a book or being lectured about your duties.

There is one important aspect to keep in mind with this. If a relationship is abusive and unhealthy, then the rules change in terms of advising someone you care about. One is not expected to stand by and keep his or her mouth shut while a loved one is being abused (be it emotionally, physically or verbally) or children are being neglected. This is an entirely different subject and can be discussed in a later blog.

These are not all of the ways that relationships can encounter outside influences, be it positive or negative, but rather a synopsis on the subject. Feel free to offer your own examples and discuss this subject from your viewpoint.

~V-SO Hott~
~lolamarya~

http://vsohott.com